Squishy-Squidly
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Pain and Misery
9 min read
Every morning, I wake up think of you.
Oh, it's so wonderful,
This loving you.
I open my curtains,
And you outshine the sun.
What a beautiful glorious love I am in.
At night, I dream of you.
Oh how I love,
Loving you.
It feels so great.
But lately,
you've been acting,
So strange.
Before, when we made love,
Everything was a slow, heated blaze.
But now it seems like a blur to me.
The other day,
when I called you with the news,
you were too busy,
With Miss Goody-Two-Shoes.
You've been avoiding me.
And now, I know why.
For just last night,
You called me with the news.
It was about you,
and,
Miss Goody-Two-Shoes.
You lover her now,
So you say.
But what about what we had,
Up until the other day?
Now it kills me to see you with her.
You watch her
like you watched me,
Before.
Why did things have to change?
Is it because of her,
rounded belly,
In which she carries your baby?
All these months,
I've watched you,
and her,
Grow.
Oh, how it's killing me so.
I don't know,
how I've dealt with,
this pain,
For, so long.
The cuts get deeper,
each time I see you,
With her.
Blood rains down,
off my fingers,
as my heart breaks,
a bit more,
Every night.
I lay there,
and stare at your picture,
With all my might.
Hoping that you know,
that inside me too,
there grows our baby,
Who needs love from you.
I haven't seen you now,
since the day you said,
Your final goodbye to me.
I hope it stays that way,
for your child,
For our baby.
You'll never know,
'Cause I don't kiss and tell.
But the baby's gone now,
I gave him,
to a mother who,
Could actually love him.
I don't see how I,
could love something,
you gave me,
Without you, ever knowing.
Time's ticked by,
Oh so slow.
It's already been a year though.
And all this time,
I haven't stopped,
Loving you.
I don't think you'll ever realize,
That I do.
And now I'm so down, down, down.
Down below the ground.
So deep I've dug my grave.
So dark this coffin of mine.
Only darkness lies ahead.
Darkness and death.
I hope, maybe that I might survive this.
Or death just take me quick.
I've bled my heart out but it still beats.
But if it weren't for your love, I wouldn't be standing here knee deep.
I see you sitting there drowning in a heap.
If it weren't for your love, I wouldn't bleed.
Why is my heart still beating?
It should have stopped long ago.
But there you were standing, playing with what wasn't yours.
You stole my heart so very long ago.
But then you gave it back, all torn and shredded.
Yeah, call me emo, but you just don't get it.
I feel from deep down inside, from the heart, that once belonged to you and I.
But you stomped on it, dropped it, and now dark is all that lies inside it.
I'm so confused.
I don't know if I should save you.
Should I let you drown in the blood that once coursed through my veins?
Or save you, and see you suffer in some other way?
Misery loves company is what they say.
So I think you should accompany me.
I think I'll save you, and then see you tortured in some other way.
Listen.
Do you here that beat?
It's my torn heart now so full of hate.
You were gone when I needed you.
But now I'm here when you need me.
I don't think you understand though that this isn't out of love, it's just to see you go through pain.
I hope you hate this hell of slow pain and misery.
Now take a good long look of my world.
This is what you put me through.
Let me tare your heart out.
Let me hear your cries of pain.
How do you feel now?
Now that you're not drowning down so near the blood drenched ground.
When I'm done with you, they'll take you away and let you die in bloodstained padded room.
The insanity, it drives you mad.
It makes you crazy.
It makes you hear voices in your head.
The voices, they've told me things.
They've become my friends.
They whisper sweet nothings.
They say that I should take you back and kill you fast.
But I don't want to.
I just want you to feel what I felt.
Make it slow and painful.
Like you did to me.
Yes, a slow torture.
Of pain and misery.
I'm clingy aren't I, my dear ex-boyfriend.
Freak you scream.
Why yes I know.
Psycho you say.
I've always been this way.
If I can't have you, no one can.
And you don't want me.
So this is going to come to an end.
When you die my love, I'm going with you.
So here we go.
Let the torture begin.
Are you ready?
No?
Oh well, I'm not going to start again.
How's it feel?
Oh yes, I know.
It's so painful, so slow.
See what you put me through you bastard?
I hate you!
But now I've come to love pain and misery.
It hurts so good.
It's now all I've come to know.
Are you listening?
Or is this all too much?
So you're gone now.
Dead and gone.
Too bad you can't see me now.
But I'll guess I'll see you in the afterlife.
Maybe then well be like we used to be.
So good-bye world.
You'll be a much happier place without me.
So here I go.
Watch me cut myself open.
Watch me finally fade, fade, fade away.
Goodbye now.
I'll be gone forever.
I can't go on in this world without you.
Life is no worth living without you.
Well, now, what have we here.
Everything seems so light.
Nothing dreadful near.
But then I see you, standing there.
The way you look at me,
makes me, want to,
Break down in tears.
What have I done?
Oh what have I done?
All my vendetta has done, is destroyed other peoples lives,
For my own, selfish fun.
Oh if only I could die.
Die again.
To retreat unto myself.
Away from all this unpleasantry.
I sicken myself.
I thought you were the no good bastard that had no feelings.
But me, I'm just the shit clinging to the bottom of a trash can.
How could I ruin the lives of so many?
No.
No, this should be my utopia.
Get that damn sad look off your angel carved face.
Begone of it.
My angel.
You're my everything.
What?
What's happening?
Why are you fading?
Fading. . .
Fading. . .
Fading away. . .
Everything is going. . .
It's gone. . .
Gone. . .
Gone away. . .
Why is this not your face that I'm seeing as I'm opening my eyes?
Oh no.
No.
This can't be.
They're trying to keep me alive.
Stop! No no no no!
They can't do this.
I'm supposed to be with you!
Maybe if I fight them, I can come back to you.
I feel so weak.
But every things starting to go dark, cold.
Maybe I'll still be able to be with you.
But now, I'm just here in darkness, between the world of the living, and the one for me and you.
It's like I'm in a coma.
I wonder how long I'll have to be without you.
I walk through this darkness, never ending.
I might as well be dreaming.
This eternal darkness seems to be thriving.
A nightmare might be better than this.
Oh, all I want is you my loving prince.
How long will this last?
This darkness is so vast.
Everythings hidden from me by its mask.
But then, what if its not darkness that I see?
What if its that I'm blind, deaf, and cannot speak?
Only this darkness calls out to me.
I guess this darkness is my final retreat.
I guess you, my prince, will never rescue me.
But this can't be the end of my story.
Something inside me screams it can't be.
But I know for sure there will never be no more, you, and me.
Will there ever be anyone to love me?
Light.
I see light.
It seems so pure, and right.
Should I go forward, and embrace it tight?
I'm so afraid.
Is what im going to do right?
But what do I really care if it is.
Since when has it been like that?
Since I lost you.
Jesus Christ these words now seem so very, very right.
It all makes sense now.
You and your new fucking girlfriend hurt me just right.
But I understand now.
Maybe my crazy obbsesive nature is finally cured.
But boy, I love lovin' you.
I thought things were going to be so right with you.
Everything was so new.
Me.
You.
Why is it I can't really be mad at you!
Oh, Fucking great.
Now the light's fading away.
I should have know how true all this was.
Not realizing the truth was in front of me the entire time.
But now I see it.
Curse these blessed hands.
I wish I would have never met you.
But I'll see you in hell.
Meet me at the gates, I'll be waiting for you.
I told you, we can't keep apart.
I'd wait an entire lifetime for you.
I'll see you soon.
Oh, it's so wonderful,
This loving you.
I open my curtains,
And you outshine the sun.
What a beautiful glorious love I am in.
At night, I dream of you.
Oh how I love,
Loving you.
It feels so great.
But lately,
you've been acting,
So strange.
Before, when we made love,
Everything was a slow, heated blaze.
But now it seems like a blur to me.
The other day,
when I called you with the news,
you were too busy,
With Miss Goody-Two-Shoes.
You've been avoiding me.
And now, I know why.
For just last night,
You called me with the news.
It was about you,
and,
Miss Goody-Two-Shoes.
You lover her now,
So you say.
But what about what we had,
Up until the other day?
Now it kills me to see you with her.
You watch her
like you watched me,
Before.
Why did things have to change?
Is it because of her,
rounded belly,
In which she carries your baby?
All these months,
I've watched you,
and her,
Grow.
Oh, how it's killing me so.
I don't know,
how I've dealt with,
this pain,
For, so long.
The cuts get deeper,
each time I see you,
With her.
Blood rains down,
off my fingers,
as my heart breaks,
a bit more,
Every night.
I lay there,
and stare at your picture,
With all my might.
Hoping that you know,
that inside me too,
there grows our baby,
Who needs love from you.
I haven't seen you now,
since the day you said,
Your final goodbye to me.
I hope it stays that way,
for your child,
For our baby.
You'll never know,
'Cause I don't kiss and tell.
But the baby's gone now,
I gave him,
to a mother who,
Could actually love him.
I don't see how I,
could love something,
you gave me,
Without you, ever knowing.
Time's ticked by,
Oh so slow.
It's already been a year though.
And all this time,
I haven't stopped,
Loving you.
I don't think you'll ever realize,
That I do.
And now I'm so down, down, down.
Down below the ground.
So deep I've dug my grave.
So dark this coffin of mine.
Only darkness lies ahead.
Darkness and death.
I hope, maybe that I might survive this.
Or death just take me quick.
I've bled my heart out but it still beats.
But if it weren't for your love, I wouldn't be standing here knee deep.
I see you sitting there drowning in a heap.
If it weren't for your love, I wouldn't bleed.
Why is my heart still beating?
It should have stopped long ago.
But there you were standing, playing with what wasn't yours.
You stole my heart so very long ago.
But then you gave it back, all torn and shredded.
Yeah, call me emo, but you just don't get it.
I feel from deep down inside, from the heart, that once belonged to you and I.
But you stomped on it, dropped it, and now dark is all that lies inside it.
I'm so confused.
I don't know if I should save you.
Should I let you drown in the blood that once coursed through my veins?
Or save you, and see you suffer in some other way?
Misery loves company is what they say.
So I think you should accompany me.
I think I'll save you, and then see you tortured in some other way.
Listen.
Do you here that beat?
It's my torn heart now so full of hate.
You were gone when I needed you.
But now I'm here when you need me.
I don't think you understand though that this isn't out of love, it's just to see you go through pain.
I hope you hate this hell of slow pain and misery.
Now take a good long look of my world.
This is what you put me through.
Let me tare your heart out.
Let me hear your cries of pain.
How do you feel now?
Now that you're not drowning down so near the blood drenched ground.
When I'm done with you, they'll take you away and let you die in bloodstained padded room.
The insanity, it drives you mad.
It makes you crazy.
It makes you hear voices in your head.
The voices, they've told me things.
They've become my friends.
They whisper sweet nothings.
They say that I should take you back and kill you fast.
But I don't want to.
I just want you to feel what I felt.
Make it slow and painful.
Like you did to me.
Yes, a slow torture.
Of pain and misery.
I'm clingy aren't I, my dear ex-boyfriend.
Freak you scream.
Why yes I know.
Psycho you say.
I've always been this way.
If I can't have you, no one can.
And you don't want me.
So this is going to come to an end.
When you die my love, I'm going with you.
So here we go.
Let the torture begin.
Are you ready?
No?
Oh well, I'm not going to start again.
How's it feel?
Oh yes, I know.
It's so painful, so slow.
See what you put me through you bastard?
I hate you!
But now I've come to love pain and misery.
It hurts so good.
It's now all I've come to know.
Are you listening?
Or is this all too much?
So you're gone now.
Dead and gone.
Too bad you can't see me now.
But I'll guess I'll see you in the afterlife.
Maybe then well be like we used to be.
So good-bye world.
You'll be a much happier place without me.
So here I go.
Watch me cut myself open.
Watch me finally fade, fade, fade away.
Goodbye now.
I'll be gone forever.
I can't go on in this world without you.
Life is no worth living without you.
Well, now, what have we here.
Everything seems so light.
Nothing dreadful near.
But then I see you, standing there.
The way you look at me,
makes me, want to,
Break down in tears.
What have I done?
Oh what have I done?
All my vendetta has done, is destroyed other peoples lives,
For my own, selfish fun.
Oh if only I could die.
Die again.
To retreat unto myself.
Away from all this unpleasantry.
I sicken myself.
I thought you were the no good bastard that had no feelings.
But me, I'm just the shit clinging to the bottom of a trash can.
How could I ruin the lives of so many?
No.
No, this should be my utopia.
Get that damn sad look off your angel carved face.
Begone of it.
My angel.
You're my everything.
What?
What's happening?
Why are you fading?
Fading. . .
Fading. . .
Fading away. . .
Everything is going. . .
It's gone. . .
Gone. . .
Gone away. . .
Why is this not your face that I'm seeing as I'm opening my eyes?
Oh no.
No.
This can't be.
They're trying to keep me alive.
Stop! No no no no!
They can't do this.
I'm supposed to be with you!
Maybe if I fight them, I can come back to you.
I feel so weak.
But every things starting to go dark, cold.
Maybe I'll still be able to be with you.
But now, I'm just here in darkness, between the world of the living, and the one for me and you.
It's like I'm in a coma.
I wonder how long I'll have to be without you.
I walk through this darkness, never ending.
I might as well be dreaming.
This eternal darkness seems to be thriving.
A nightmare might be better than this.
Oh, all I want is you my loving prince.
How long will this last?
This darkness is so vast.
Everythings hidden from me by its mask.
But then, what if its not darkness that I see?
What if its that I'm blind, deaf, and cannot speak?
Only this darkness calls out to me.
I guess this darkness is my final retreat.
I guess you, my prince, will never rescue me.
But this can't be the end of my story.
Something inside me screams it can't be.
But I know for sure there will never be no more, you, and me.
Will there ever be anyone to love me?
Light.
I see light.
It seems so pure, and right.
Should I go forward, and embrace it tight?
I'm so afraid.
Is what im going to do right?
But what do I really care if it is.
Since when has it been like that?
Since I lost you.
Jesus Christ these words now seem so very, very right.
It all makes sense now.
You and your new fucking girlfriend hurt me just right.
But I understand now.
Maybe my crazy obbsesive nature is finally cured.
But boy, I love lovin' you.
I thought things were going to be so right with you.
Everything was so new.
Me.
You.
Why is it I can't really be mad at you!
Oh, Fucking great.
Now the light's fading away.
I should have know how true all this was.
Not realizing the truth was in front of me the entire time.
But now I see it.
Curse these blessed hands.
I wish I would have never met you.
But I'll see you in hell.
Meet me at the gates, I'll be waiting for you.
I told you, we can't keep apart.
I'd wait an entire lifetime for you.
I'll see you soon.
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A Want a Need
2 min read
Oh,
How he loved her,
How deep his feelings were for her.
But oh,
How she kept hurting him,
How she kept digging that knife,
Deeper and deeper.
She chased him to the edge,
And now he sits on the line of insanity.
He loved her so much,
But she was killing him inside.
All he wanted was her love.
But she never even noticed him.
She kept falling into beds.
And he kept falling into love with her.
Hurt.
He can't stand it anymore.
He can't keep watching her be a whore.
All this pain!
His heart is turning black.
There is no way, he could ever go back.
All he wanted was her love.
Now all he is,
Is obsessed!
He can't get over the way her hair falls.
He can't get over the way her laugh sounds.
Can't stop thinking about the way she sleeps.
How beautiful and peaceful she looks,
When she sleeps.
How he loves the way she moves her feet.
All he wanted was her love.
He cannot get what he wants.
Inside. . . he is dying.
Now the surface is even cracking.
He starts to fall apart,
Piece by piece.
His heart is shattered.
His eyes are wet.
He can't go on like this.
All he wanted was her love.
He sees her life falling apart too.
Her life falling to pieces around her.
Pregnant.
Beaten.
Broken.
He did everything for her to notice him.
But still he remains invisible.
All she needed was his love.
But now it's too late.
He's dead.
Gone.
Unable to save her.
All he wanted was her love.
All she needed was his love.
How he loved her,
How deep his feelings were for her.
But oh,
How she kept hurting him,
How she kept digging that knife,
Deeper and deeper.
She chased him to the edge,
And now he sits on the line of insanity.
He loved her so much,
But she was killing him inside.
All he wanted was her love.
But she never even noticed him.
She kept falling into beds.
And he kept falling into love with her.
Hurt.
He can't stand it anymore.
He can't keep watching her be a whore.
All this pain!
His heart is turning black.
There is no way, he could ever go back.
All he wanted was her love.
Now all he is,
Is obsessed!
He can't get over the way her hair falls.
He can't get over the way her laugh sounds.
Can't stop thinking about the way she sleeps.
How beautiful and peaceful she looks,
When she sleeps.
How he loves the way she moves her feet.
All he wanted was her love.
He cannot get what he wants.
Inside. . . he is dying.
Now the surface is even cracking.
He starts to fall apart,
Piece by piece.
His heart is shattered.
His eyes are wet.
He can't go on like this.
All he wanted was her love.
He sees her life falling apart too.
Her life falling to pieces around her.
Pregnant.
Beaten.
Broken.
He did everything for her to notice him.
But still he remains invisible.
All she needed was his love.
But now it's too late.
He's dead.
Gone.
Unable to save her.
All he wanted was her love.
All she needed was his love.
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Baby Angel
1 min read
I see myself lying in a hospital bed.
I don't understand.
I fee something gently brush my shoulder.
I look and see the warm smiling face of my dad.
'My baby angel,' his voice, majestic like a lion, and as gentle as a kitten.
'I have been your guardian angel, and it is time for you to earn your wings.'
He holds out his hand to me and I take it.
'To the heavens that await.'
'I love you dad.'
'I love you too, my baby angel.'
The words I wanted to hear.
'I love you, my baby angel.'
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I wrote this poem for a contest. I won first place for it. For my inspiration, I used my dad; he had passed way a few months prior to me writing this.
In Loving Memory
A.R.T. Jr.
Feb. 13, 1960 ~ Sep. 11, 2007
I don't understand.
I fee something gently brush my shoulder.
I look and see the warm smiling face of my dad.
'My baby angel,' his voice, majestic like a lion, and as gentle as a kitten.
'I have been your guardian angel, and it is time for you to earn your wings.'
He holds out his hand to me and I take it.
'To the heavens that await.'
'I love you dad.'
'I love you too, my baby angel.'
The words I wanted to hear.
'I love you, my baby angel.'
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I wrote this poem for a contest. I won first place for it. For my inspiration, I used my dad; he had passed way a few months prior to me writing this.
In Loving Memory
A.R.T. Jr.
Feb. 13, 1960 ~ Sep. 11, 2007
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